i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
Randomize
