dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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