No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
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