You're a womanizer and a bitch.
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
