Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
