i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
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