i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
cat food counts as protein by the way
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
Randomize
