I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
