Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
Randomize
