I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
I forgot how hot balto sounded
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
Randomize
