YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Randomize
