3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
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