Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
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