I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
YAS. BRING CRAB.
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
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