she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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