i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Randomize
