how can u be prego again
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
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