who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
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