I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize