worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
Randomize
