I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
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