I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
