She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
Randomize
