i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
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