on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
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