So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
Randomize
