Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Randomize
