they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
