If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
