He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
This baby is an asshole
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
Randomize
