One girl and one boy is just not enough.
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
The police scanner is talking about you again....
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Randomize
