I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
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