dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
