i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Randomize