the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
Randomize
