They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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