sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
I swear she didn't look like that last week.
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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