There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
Randomize
