i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
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