my room smells like sperm. sweet.
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
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