I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize
