Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
I am full of burrito and curiosity
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
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