she looked like the before picture.
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
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