i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
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