Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
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