I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
Randomize
