that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
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