dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
Randomize
