Too much gin, very little bucket
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize