uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize