Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
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