drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
