i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
mondays should just be called national damage control day
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
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