From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
Randomize
