Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
I feel like abortions should bother me more
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
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