thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
It was confusing and full of hummus
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
Blood and glitter go together right?
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
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