I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
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