apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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