Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
Randomize
