so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
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