oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
