you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Randomize
