she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Randomize
