I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
Randomize