She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
