I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
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