It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
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