Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
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