My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
Randomize
