careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
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