Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
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