At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
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