they need to just BURY HIM!
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
