1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Randomize
