hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
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