are you still at the devil's house?
we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Randomize
