After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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