Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
Randomize
