Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
I need to stop coming to work sober
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Randomize
