Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
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