I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
Randomize
