I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
jump out the window naked night went bad
Randomize
