just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
