Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Randomize
