There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
Randomize