how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
Do vagina's smell?
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
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