Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
That reminds me...we need to get swords
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
Randomize
