so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize